What Black People Like

As we have discussed here before, black people like accessorizing cars, they also like people to know what they have. Ingenious black people have put these two loves together with the love of chrome and begun putting chrome vinyl stickers on their vehicles which prominently display to other drivers and pedestrians their vehicles model.

While the vast majority of black people drive easily recognizable vehicles such as a Camry, Caprice, Mustang or Maxima they feel that it is important to make sure there are no mistakes in the identification of their vehicle. It is not as if these people own a fleet of vehicles and side identification of specific car would make for easier identification and vehicular choice.

“Humn should I take the Toyota Camry, the Crown Vic, ford Explorer or the Honda Civic”

Increasingly the year of the specific car is accompanying the model and even make of the vehicle in question so that there is no doubt as to which vehicle is being driven.

This may have been spawned from the common practice of Gt Class race cars to display the manufacturer name for advertisement purposes on the side and rear of the vehicle as well as across the top of the front windshield but unlike these drivers, black people receive no advertisement revenue for their vehicular stickering .Chrome is the sticker color of choice for black people as it will match any other accessories such as rims, side stripes, wheel well stripping, tail lights, headlights or front grill inserts.

While some may argue that “Pac” was honestly the first Emo (an emotional state often tied to music and enjoyed by white suburbanite kids) and was nothing more than a poet who got record deals, to say such in the presence of a group of black men could cause rioting. Pac and Biggie Smalls who was Pac’s East Coast counterpart who was also murdered have somehow moved close to the reverence of civil rights leaders like MLK in the young black community.

Tupac is to black people what Elvis is to white people and sightings are reported all the time. “Pac is eternal” was a popular saying, and he has lived up to it (pun intended) as every six months or so after his death Pac released another album. While no one has ever been arrested for the murder of Pac some interesting theories have been released including one pointing at an altercation between Pac and Mr.T.

Ok notice I said movies and not just Oprah in general. Oprah’s show is actually pretty white oriented and lets face it, Oprah has done well with that genre so more power to her. Oprah in movies is completely different than Oprah on her show. In the movies Oprah typically plays an old slave or a woman who was a slave or the daughter of a slave, you know something slavish. A little known fact is that Oprah wears make up on the show, but not in her movies (true story look it up)

Of the most memorable movie moments was her curse on Danny Glover in the movie The Color Purple. After its release people could be seen repeating “Till you do right by me” with the accompanying hand gesture for curse transmission. To this day its still funny and black people do it from time to time for a laugh.

Pig is to black people what Buffalo was to the American Indian. No part of the animal  goes unused. In addition to the more typically known foods such as bacon and ham; pork is a major ingredient in soul food and parts that most people are not even familiar with are consumed. The heads are used in Hog’s Head Cheese (actually not even a dairy product) as well as hog maws (its maws not MOSS). The lips, feet and tail are pickled, the skin is fried for Pig Skins and their ultra tough, jaw breaking, teeth shattering, esophageal lining ripping big brother the Cracklin. The entrails are inverted and cleaned and called “Chitlins” (chitterlings) Even the hair of the animal is put to good use as wave brush bristles.

It is probably safe to say that the fact that they do not eat pork is a major reason more black people are not Muslim. Not gonna happen.

Black people’s love of pigs stops at food unlike white people who have begun to keep pigs as house pets. This is because black people tend not to like sharing the inside of their homes with non humanoid mammals as documented in Pulp Fiction” by Samuel L Jackson’s character Jules.

Rims are the ultimate vehicular accessory. Often times the first modification done to a truck or car by a black person is the addition of chrome plated, bank account draining man hole cover sized rims. The Blue Book Value of the vehicle is irrelevant and often exceeds the vehicles market value by at least ten. Where sports car rims usually top out at 18-19” due to foolish and unnecessary things like engineering principals big rims don’t even start till you are talking 20” or “DUBS” as they are called. I said START at 20” BIGGER IS BETTER. 22’s, 24’s 26’s and for those who absolutely have no idea what to do with money 28’s and the crem de le crem 30’s and 32’s which actually must have custom made, special order tires made are the only way to “Ball” which means to show off money (money that they usually do not have)

When size got boring the stakes we raised. Latrell Spreewell and his brother opened a rim shop, and on an episode of some MTV show or another Latrell showed the world a rim that kept moving. I swear at that very second I actually heard a unanimous “Oh shit” ring out as hundreds of thousands of people men simultaneously found their next purchase. No one paid attention to the actual rim’s manufacturer, they instead named it after the man who had brought this marvel to them and thus “The Spreewell” was dubbed (no pun intended). After some time the origin was lost and “Spinna” was the new term for any rim that kept moving after the vehicle stopped. Not to be left out, those who could not afford “spinnas” could soon buy “The inna spinna” a cheap chrome plated plastic hubcap carried by Auto Zone and Pep Boys where the inner portion of the rim rotated.

Rep increases exposnentially with rim size and with this in mind chrome or rhinestone stick on badges were developed so that haters and hoochies alike can easily and conveniently ascertain the car owner’s street cred. This cut down drastically on a haters attempts to reduce a “ballers” status by claiming his rims were smaller than they really are.

Once again I do not know if Cribs is art imitating life or life imitating art but as anyone who has watched the show knows, no black man’s media collection is complete without Scarface. Scarface is the story of Tony Montona, a Cuban national who leaves Cuba for Florida in search of the American Dream and a new life. After doing a favor for a drug kingpin Tony makes it out the containment camp he and his best friend are sent to as a part of the nationalization process and begins American life as a dish washer. Unsatisfied and ambitious Tony does more favors for the king pin and winds up working his way up the underworld latter. The latest addition to the media library should be Scarface the game. Without giving away the complete plot of the movie for any sad individuals who has not seen it yet, and for those of you who know nothing about the game to get you interested; it takes place where the movie left off…. I will say no more, watch the movie, play the game.

Scarface may be one of the most beloved movies black people will watch that contain absolutely no black people at all, not even the usual obligatory thug, drug dealer,safe ethnic side kick or attitude filled black woman that Hollywood interjected into most movies of this time period.

There is also a rapper named Scarface, but no one seems to care about him…

Tags: Entertainment, movies, Scarface

If black people were to get together and vote to elect a king or a representative for the race Denzel Washington would win by a land slide. He would probably do a lot better than the self appointed spokesman for all who is black, Rev. Al Sharpton. So powerful is his appeal to black women that if you ever wanted to get a black woman to shut up in a movie theater or out of your face in general all you would have to say is point behind her and say“Is that Denzel”? She will immediately stop what she is doing for a chance to be in his presence. This may not work in movies that actually star Denzel Washington as every bit of her attention will be on her conversation with him via the screen.

Denzel stared in a lot of powerful roles including Malcolm X in “X”, Gray Grantham in “The Pelican Brief”, John Hobbes in “Fallen”, Hurricane Carter in “Hurricane” and Creasy in “Man on Fire”. Coincidently he never took home a Leading Role Oscar till he played a crooked cop in Training Day.

Denzel Washington is so loved that simply resembling him or saying you do gets you half way or more to getting laid. Its true!

Tags: , movie, movie stars

It may not be possible to convey the utter love black people have for ribs in simple print, but I will try. If you are white try to remember the first time you heard the beetles or the first kiss you got from the man or woman you fell in love with. Those both pale horribly in comparison to the goodness that are ribs. While beef ribs are acceptable, because of its texture, taste and affordability pork ribs are the first choice. I mean who can blame them though? Its meat on a convenient carrying stick!

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, well if you are a white chic and you want a black man, learn how to cook ribs. If you are a black woman and you don’t want your man to be taken by a white woman, well sista, you better learn how to cook some ribs.

If this list had been put in numerical order, Ribs would definitely be in the top 10, as a matter of fact, this may show up three or four more times somewhere in the list, that is how much black people like (no excuse me) LOVE ribs.

Tags: food

Black people love being clean, and astronomical amounts of time are devoted to this pursuit. It is actually hard to say if black men or black women spend more time on beautification and skin care as cocoa butter based lotions, manicures, pedicures, multi hour trips to salons/barbers and various specially formulated products are used by both sexes.

What is for certain is that white people are far behind black people in these pursuits. Where as whites coined the term “metro-sexual” in the early 2000’s to describe a man who cares about clothing, skin, hair and nail care; black men have been enjoying the use of over priced products, clothing and the large chunks of time dedicated to their use for at least four decades. This may in fact be the reason why black people, especially men, always seem to be late for things……like work.

Black people prefer showers to baths also, to them it is unacceptable soak in water which is full of the day’s filth. Black people also seem to prefer to scrub with cloths specifically engineered for the purpose of bathing and cleverly named “wash clothes” where as white people believe rubbing the soap on their body is enough to release dirt and dead skin cells.

In the early 2000’s the rap group Outkast cashed in on this love with a song documenting black people’s love of personal hygiene, the ode to bathing “So Fresh and So Clean Clean”

Tags: Health

Black people like to make sure people understand what they are saying. In an attempt to make sure that a key word or phrase of importance to the point they are trying to make is understand black people will often say it twice. For a long time white people mistakenly diagnosed this as a speech impediment like turrets.

Double reinforcement through repetition is an easy way for the listener to ascertain the severity of the word or phrase of interest. Lets look at a sample phrase

“I mean he was short but he wasn’t SHORT, short”

The person is trying to get us to visualize a person who is short but not so short as to be classified as a midget or dwarf. The repetition of the word denotes an extreme case and the part of the phrase immediately before it is a modifier for the adjective that follows. The listener should be able to understand that while the person in question was in no way tall, their height was within acceptable parameters.

Double wording is also used as a means to verify the truthfulness of a statement or situation either by declaration or inquiry. For example.

Person 1: For real that wasn’t me who prank called your house last night.

Person 2: For real For real?

Person 1: For real for real!

The use of a double to emphasize in this way is a serious matter to black people and the misuse of it in perpetuating a lie is strictly prohibited.

Important: If a word is repeated quickly and more than two times the person may just have a stutter.

Tags: talk